Craig is Back
by Swirley98756
Summary: okay so this is when Craig Dean returns and I'm gonna keep adding the episodes in his point of view up to the Sunset Ending! So please keep R&Ring to this and then I will keep continuing! COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

The first thing I think when I get out of the cab, bags hooked over my shoulder, is "It's amazing to be back in Hollyoaks." Even though I will miss my mates and all back in Dublin, it's still great to be back. I decide that my first stop is to go see Mum and Darren, although I would go to a certain blonde, blue-eyed DJ, but...well, let's see shall we?

1. I had an affair with him for about a year

2. I kept playing around with him saying that I loved him and I'd break up with Sarah

and let's not forget # 3. On the happiest day of my life, I told Jake that I wasn't gay and John Paul overheard thinking that I didn't really want this relationship to work and that I didn't really love him and left me to go on my own. So, as you can see, I can't exactly see him right now. But I have changed. I really have. I'm not all that moody anymore, atleast I like to think, I don't lash out at my friends, nor do I try to beat others down. I tried to do this for me and John Paul so he can know that I do want us to work and that I do love him. I head towards the Dog and walk in seeing my mum talking to some random emo kid. She looks up and whispers, "Craig.." I smile at her noticing the worrisum expression on her face that quickly changes into a forced extatic expression.

"Mum," I walk over and give her a hug while she kisses me on the cheek.

"Hope you haven't brought back any tropical deseases with ya," Darren jokes. I chuckled then turn back to Mum saying, "I still can't believe Jack and Max have gone." my voice turning symphathetic, "Wish I'd been here."

"Well we delt with it, haven't we Frankie?" Darren replies in a harsh voice.

"Well we had to anyway." Frankie says giving him a stern look.

"I tried to get back sooner," I plea.

"Yeah, of course, it doesn't matter." Frankie says reasuringly. The emo kid I'd noticed earlier behind Mum turns to Darren and mouths "Who's that?" Darren just shakes his head and emo-man rolls his eyes and starts to walk away, only hesitating a second when Mum says, "Oh, this is Newt. He's erm..not very good with new people." she finishes when he just keeps going. I chuckle and ask, "Hey, why don't I put my bag upstairs, make us a brew?" Mum gets a little fidgety and starts for the door saying "Y-yeah, why don't I...just put the kettle on?" I nod and smile pretending I don't notice their strage behavior but trust me, I do. Darren comes over and pulls on my bag saying "Hey, you only just got back why don't I just take this upstairs-"

"No, I'm fine." I interupt.

"Really just let me-"  
"I can do it-"  
"Why don't you go find Steph huh? She really needs a brother." And then he takes my bag.

"You know, Darren's right," Mum says coming back from upstairs. What?

"No, I'm not going anywhere. I want to see you." I reply. What is going on with them? Do they really not want me here? I shudder at the thought of my mum still not wanting a gay son. And I'm not even totally gay! Just one boy. One boy that seems to never get off my mind. One boy that I'm literly dying inside to see.

"Yeah but, but," she struggles for an excuse, "I got a dentist appointment and so I'm going out..." Wooow. Lame excuse. No offense to her of course.

"Oh," I say letting my disapointment show, "well if you don't mind-"

"No, no, no." She says quickly. "Go and see Steph!" I look from her to Darren. What could they possibly be hiding? Whatever it is, it's probably bad, but anyways I just shrug it off, nod, and head out the door towards the juice bar. John Paul can wait til _after_ Steph. I'll just ask her what I should do, and then do what she says. She usually know's what's right and what's not right. I walk over towards the bar nearly running into a handsome man with dark hair who was walking very fast. When I'm over, some random girl is there and I ask, "Hi, is Steph here?"

"Not at the moment. Who's askin'?" She replies flirtatiously. I mentally roll my eyes and say, "Her brother."

"Oh,"  
"Do you know when she'll be back?" I wonder.

"Well she's at the Holl Sailors**(A/N: okay, so I couldn't exactly understand what they were saying at this point so I just said what I thought she said.)**,but you know Steph. Could be hours." Damn it. She walks away and I turn around disapointed, again, but freeze, because about 8 or more feet away, there's a blonde, blue-eyed man staring at me with disbelief written all over his face. John Paul. John Paul. His name keeps repeating in my head. John Paul. I smirk at him not even knowing the kind of effect it has on him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wha..What are you doing here?" He asks, I take a sip of my drink and then place it down on the table we're sitting at and mentally groan at the sound of his voice. I'd forgoten how amazing it was. I was about to say, 'You," but stop my self right away and replace it with, "Jack," there. That makes sense. After all he is gone so that'd be a good allibi.

"Right," He says looking down with a little disapointment, but of course it's probably just for Jack. There's a little akward silence before John Paul breaks it and asks, "Have you seen your mum?"

"That was my first stop,"

"For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for Jack, I knew you guys were close." He says sypatheticly. I look down and mumble "Yeah, just sorry I couldn't be here." I look back up, "My passport got nicked and getting a new one was.." I trail off.

"Nightmare." He finishes for me nodding. He always knew what I was going to say. That's one of the many things I love about him.

"Wanna drink?" He asks me. _Yes._ With out a doubt. I'm about to reply before the same girl who was at the bar comes over to John Paul and says, "Where's Kieron, he's supposed to be giving me a hand." Kieron? Hm, must be some new person.

"Haven't got a clue." John Paul says.

"Huh, great, you have an hour with your boyfriend and he leaves me to run this place on my own?" I feel a stab through my heart when I hear 'boyfriend' but I was warned by Steph about him seeing someone. Just didnt know the name.

"Seriously, shouldn't you be off popping mangos or something?" He replies fiercly.

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry." She says and walks away. We both kind of laugh it off akwardly and this time I break it and say, "I'm gonna go back to the pub." he nods and asks, "Did you want some company?"

"Yeah," We both then head off. It was sort of an akward walk, but at times it'd seem like I never left. I need to shove my hands in my pockets though, so I don't feel compelled to take his hand, stroke his cheek, or cup his face.

"So what's Dublin like?" He asked me when we were close to The Dog. "Probably better than HayCC **(A/N: Again, I think that's what he said, oh well (: ! ) **right? Got a decent union? Well we got I mean we got some pretty decent band, DJ's still rubish but-"

"What's he like?" I ask before I can stop myself. I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Who?" he wonders his face showing a little panic.

"David Beckum," I say sarcasticly, "who do you think?"

"Tall?" he says uncertaintly.

"Ah, cheers." I say again sarcasticly, "Well is that it? what happened to the dark and handsome bit?" He chuckles, "Well that too. He's great! Too good for me." _No one's too good for you John Paul_ I think,_ you're the best there is._

"What is he a saint?" I joke. He shurgs.

"Don't worry, Steph told me you were seeing someone." there's a pause and I ask the question that'd been bugging me ever since I knew he was with someone. "So is it serious?" I hold my breath for the answer.

"Craig...we live together...we're engaged." Another stab goes through my heart and I think selfishly, _That was supposed to be me and you. _We_ were supposed to live together. _We_ were supoosed to be engaged, and _we_ were supposed to be happy._

"Just a fling then." I say wanting it to be true so much.

"Well," I continue, "I'm glad your happy." then I say light-heartedly "It's ironic, last year round this time I was the one getting married." I'm about to go inside the pub till I hear John Paul's voice, "Craig, maybe I shouldn't come in. I mean you got family stuff to deal with and-"

"Oh no!" I say quickly. "Just for one, please." I say pleadingly. I'm not going to let him walk away no matter what. He just nods and I look at the doors my thoughts coming out, "It just doesn't seem right walking through those doors and Jack not being behind the bar." I look at him looking at the doors as well,

"Everythings changed." I say knowing he probably didn't get what I really meant.

"I know," Yup, I was right. A small laugh escapes my mouth and I put my hand on his shoulder, feeling some musceles tense, and say, "Don't worry. You'll sort things out. I mean we used to argue all the time, but we made up." I walk in hoping all the memories of use kissing and making up would flow through his head like how I was aiming for and also like how they did for me. He shortly follows behind me and we go up to the bar and Darren comes up and and says, "Come back so soon? Is Steph with you?"

"Um no I didn't get to see her yet."  
"Right, well um, let me bring you some drinks then. Whatever you want. On the house. Well, with good reason" he jokes.

"Is mom back?" I ask trying to walk past him but being stopped by him quickly putting an arm around me nearly cutting off my air.  
"Ma-Mate, haven't told you how much I missed ya yet!" He says pushing me back a little and then taking his arm away from my neck. He continues, "Well it must be great you too getting back together after all this time." Leave it to Darren to make an akward moment my eyes widen a little and I expect John Paul to leave but he just says, "Oh, no we're not.." he gestures between us.

"Has he told you about when he went for colonic irrigation in the Hindu Koosh?" Darren asks, and my eyes widen further and I just wish he would notice how akward he's making this and leave, but no, he just keeps going on, "Yeah, sent us whole e-mail bout it..bitches of a lot." He notices my expression and then moves on to John Paul, "And what about you? Teasing cathlic priests away from the church," Priest? Well Steph failed to mention that little detail, "living a life of Sin...Thunder bolts of dawn.." Another akward moment.

"Colonic irrigation?" John Paul asks smirking.

"Priests?" I shoot back. Finally Darren notices what he's causing and says, "I'll just be going and getting the drinks, eh?" Good job for realizing about 3 minutes after, Darren.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," John Paul covers when Darren leaves.

"It's none of my buisness," I say not really wanting to hear this right now.

"No, he left the church, it's not like we're doing anything wrong."

"If one thing hasn't changed around here, it's Darren's still an idiot. Ignore him"

"And it didn't just happen over night," He says not giving up. I close my eyes while he continues, "It wasn't like I just forgot about you or anything." Jeez, this isn't something I really want to hear right now. I cover by saying, "It's okay. Honestly. It's not like either of us were going to stay single forever."

"You seeing anyone?" He asks. I close my eyes for a second not wanting to talk about this either. Memories were flowing back of Taylor **(A/N: I don't think they gave a name for his girl in Dublin so I just gave a random name) **and how it just didn't feel right kissing her flooded in. I think about saying "No," but then decide to answer honestly and say, "I was. You know, but not anymore. I mean it wasn't anything as serious as you and..." I forgot his name.. Kyle? No. Kelly?

"Kieron," He finished for me.

"Kieron," I eco. We stand for a couple of seconds before he says, "I'm gonna go.." _No._ Is my first intention to say, but hold it back. Before he's out the door I feel like I have to say, "I meant it when I said I'm glad you found someone you love....You do love him don't you?" He hesitates and my heart skips a beat. Knowing him, if he really did love someone, he'd answer 'yes' right away. Darren comes back and sees John Paul almost leaving and asks, "You're not going anywhere are you?" He then notices Steph walking towards the stairs and says franticly, "Steph!" He puts down the drinks, looks up at us, "For God's sake, don't move." and runs after her. When he's gone John Paul says, "It's good to see you." and walks out the door. Realizing he avoided my question I run out after him and call, "Wait." he turns around and I walk over to him, "You didn't answer my question." He looks down and takes a breath before saying, "The answer's yes," Third stab in the heart. The pain must have shown on my face seeing as he said "I'm sorry." I force a little smile on my face and say "Don't be sorry," I stare into his blue eyes almost losing my self in them. I couldn't take it anymore so I steped forward and hugged him. One arm around his broad shoulders, and one around his hips. He hugs me back, one hand on my head, and one arm around my waist. I close my eyes at the feeling and say "I just want you to be happy," He feel him sigh into my neck, with his hot breath, and I almost lose control. If he weren't to push me away I think I might have taken him and kissed him right then and there. But he did push me away, me mentally groaning at the lost of contanct only to see his guit on his face. I turn around and see the handsome dark haired man I saw earlier, who must have been Kieron,'s face get red.

"Forgeting something?" He asks harshly and throws John Pauls phone into his hands. He walks away, again very fast, leaving John Paul and I, but pretty soon just me seeing as John Paul left too. I watch him walk away wishing I could go comfort him, kiss him, make love to him, anything. But I knew it would be wrong so I leave him and walk the opposite direction to give him some space.

_**Soooo? What'd ya think?? You liike? Well, this chapter is okay to me. Not very good but good enough. Well anyways, R&R please and then I'll continue with my next chapter!!**_

_**Love ya!!**_

_** Swirley :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N okay so apparetnly i misunderstood the ending to the McDean story so they didnt really walk away. they stayed with each other talking. Just pretend that they stayed with each other. so this takes place right after with them having a drink :] thanks!!**

"I'm sorry," John Paul apologizes. "I just didn't want you to get involed with the Me-and-Kieron thing."

"Thought you would've legged it after," I said. **(A/N: what the heck does that even mean?? lol)**

"Well, I'm, I'm going to." I just nod quietly and take a sip of my drink. I really do enjoy being with John Paul, but I just don't know if I could handle him and Kieron.

"Will he be okay? I mean, bout me." I wonder.

"Yeah! Why wouldn't he be? It's not like there's anything going on." _But I want there to be,_ I think. There's an akward silence and I shift in my seat causing my knee to bump into his. I shiver involentarily at the touch and automaticly apologize.

"It's okay." John Paul says, even though I can see his creamy, flawless skin darken a little.

"Look," I start while pulling on my collar. It's another bad habbit I've adopted when I'm nervous or uncomfortable, other than rubbing the back of my neck. "I'm gonna go head off to see my mum."  
"Oh," he says, a little disapointment in his eyes, "Yeah, okay cool. I'll just uh..bye." I'm about to lean in for a kiss good bye, but I hold myself back and just give a lousy wave. He leaves and then I imeidietly feel a cold spot from where he was sitting. God this might be a little harder than I thought it was going to be. I get up slowly and start to walk towards the stairs except Darren comes out of now where and I smack straight into him.

"Uh Craig! You can't go up there." he says worridly. I give him a look and say "What?" I try to push past him, but Darren being his annoying stubborn self stops me again and replies, "She doesn't want to see ya" Okay now that hurt. He was starting to get me angry now.

"I'll do what I want." I say with a little more force then neccesary. I try to get past again, but he stops me and practicly yells in my face "Listen to me! She's had a hard time recently. I-I mean you weren't at the funerel." Right as he said that, all the anger I felt dissapeared and was replaced with depression. I wanted to get to Jack's funerel, but...I couldn't. I was to scared as to what everyone was going to say to me, expecially what John Paul would say.

"W-well she didn't say anything." I whisper looking down. There was a hint of guilt in Darren's eyes and so he backed away saying, "Look, I'll go and talk to her. Just stay there will ya?" he runs off and up the stairs. I sigh and walk over to sit on the stool at the bar. Coming back to Hollyoaks wasn't my best idea. It didn't exactly work like I planned. Mum doesn't want to see me, Steph hasn't said a word to me yet, Darren's being even more of a jerk, and I was slowly tearing John Paul and Kieron apart. _Well there's one good thing that came out of this._ I think bitterly. I begin to wonder what it might have been like if John Paul had come to live with me in Dublin...

_***FANTASY***_

_I'm making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I heard the front door open._

_"Craig?" I hear John Paul's voice echoing off the walls. "You here?"_

_"In the kitchen!" I call back. I put the two slices of bread together, lean both elbows on the counter and swallow a big bite of my sandwich. _

_"Hey," I hear. I look up to see John Paul standing in the door way, and I take in the beauty of the man I love. Seeing him with his hair slightly dampened from a long hard day of work, a dark blue polo on, and dark denim jeans, actually took my breath away._

_"Hey," I reply breathlessly He smiles and walks over to me and puts an arm around my shoulder, squeezing me gently._

_"So, you just been standing here all day?" he jokes._

_"Eh, there's really nothing to do while you're gone, so...yeah. Basicly." I reply._

_"Craig, Craig, Craig," he says, "tell me one reason why I love you." he chuckles._

_"I don't know. Why _do_ you love me John Paul?" I teasingly ask and stand up to my full height so that I'm just about as tall as him._

_"Hmm.." he fake thinks and scratches his smooth face,"let's see. You are pretty cute."_

_"Is that all?" I laugh._

_"You're funny, amazing, sweet, loving, and most deffinetly beautiful. And that's why I love you." He finishes his statement with a smile before leaning in a placing his mouth over my mouth._

_***END FANTASY***_

I suddenly felt someone stumble into me, breaking me out of my imagination.

"Sorry," the figure mumbles and walks away. I sigh, get a can of beer and walk out of the Dog. While I'm walking out I almost run into Zoe.

"Hey!" she says in her perky voice.

"Hi," I say trying to sound cheerful.

"What you doing back?" she wonders.

"Just back to see the family. You know...Jack."  
"Oh, yeah cool. Hey, sorry bout that by the way."

"Yeah, just wish I could've been here sooner."  
"Well, I'm sure Frankie's really glad to see you." she says smiling. "It's was good to see you," she's about to walk away until I ask a question that I just thought of, "So uh, how's Sarah?" Zoe turns around and says, "She's good. In fact she's fine, you know out and about meeting people and stuff." This should have brought a little bit of jealousy to me, yet I didn't get a thing, which brought guilt instead.

"Good, great. Tell her I was asking bout her." I finish.

"I will." she nods, "See you later." My smile slowly fades away and I turn around and stop in my tracks when I see John Paul sitting by himself on a bench. Butterflies slowly rise in my stomach and I take a tiny sip of my beer and walk over to him.

"Hey, I thought you were gonna go and see..." I trail off noticing his sadness.

"Craig, don't right now." he states. I sit next to him and ask aruptly, "Has he finished it?" I hoped that I didn't show my hopefulness. He makes a face and says, "Nah," My heart deflates a little, but I say, "So?" He looks up and says, "What?"  
"You bowled it?" I ask.

"Craig, no. It's not about that." Even when he says my name with annoyance it still sends shivers up my spines. "Look, he's a good guy and he's givin up a lot for me and-"  
"Then go see him." I interupt saying it like it was obvious.

"I will!" he insists. "I-I just don't want to mess with his head."

"By saying what?" I wonder. He just sighs and shakes his head. "John Paul, look it's easy to just sit here avoiding...whatever. And by the time you get round to things the world's moved on," I pause and look up at him, "and you could loose to much." I suddenly realize even more how much I'd lost. He nods slightly, looking down, and says quietly "Yeah," he sighs and looks up, "wish me luch then yeah?" he get's up and walks away. Hey, I kniow I'm selfish and all, but that doesn't mean I wont give him advice and all about his love life. I walk over to a familiar pole with initials carved into it and run my finger around the C.D and S.B. I sigh, and walk over to The Dog.

"She'll get over it you know," I hear a voice say, "She just needs some time."  
"What?" I ask.

"You not going to the funeral," Darren explains.

"She's right, I-I, I should of found a way to get back sooner."  
"She's your mum aint she? You know how they're like. Take off one minute, follow you the next. It's just an amount of time that's all."

"Yeah of course I mean, you come to terms with your dad as well." Darren looks like he's about to say something, but we hear footsteps and sure enough, in comes Newt.

"Oi, where you goin?" Darren asks.

"I'm going up stairs to change." He says "Why?"

"Just askin'. You know Frankie's a little, uh...Hey! Us three can go out." My eyes widen and I walk backwards same time as when Newt turns away.

"Oi, listen." Darren grabs both of us. "It's about time you two go to know each other. Wont take no for an answer." We both sigh and then walk to some benches and sit down to talk. At first it's a bit akward, but then we start to talk about what Hollyoaks has been like while I was gone. I finally break down and say, "I can't believe I left here so long without showing up....I just can't get my head around it. It's just, Jack and Max dying in the same week....and Jack. Thought he'd be around for ever." Darren takes a sip of his beer and says, "Me too."

"So what happened? I mean did he hit the boat or, or was it stress?" I wonder.

"Bit of everything really." Darren replies.

"I can't believe you found him. Must have been awful." Images of finding Jack dead flashed through my mind. Darren hit me and looked up at Newt who was staring at me and so I said, "Sorry.." Darren get's his phone and says, "I'm gonna try and get Frankie."  
"Maybe I should," I offer holding my hand out.

"No. It's fine." He says quickly. My hand drops and I say outloud, "I was gonna phone John Paul as well." Darren looks at me and says, "What, you gonna split him and the gay doctor up?"

"I was just gonna phone him and see how he is."

"Voicemail." Darren states and puts his phone away. He looks up at Newt and asks, "How's school Newt?"

"Fine." was his only reply.

"He's an emo." Darren says as if it wasn't obvious. "They don't really talk much."

"Yeah," Newt says and looks at Darren, "you talk to much." I'm seeming to like this Newt kid more and more so far. "Don't worry," he continues, "I'm safe on medication." Never mind. All that likeness I had, all gone. "Okay.." I say akwardly. I look off and say, "Well, why don't we go see Mum eh?"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Darren stops me again. "Wait untill I get a call from Frankie."  
"Darren," I say warningly.

"Let's just wait until the coast is clear alright?" _Coast is clear_? This time I say it out loud, "'Coast is clear'?" Darren's eyes widen and he says quickly, "Y-yeah. Just a figure of speech," and then looks down. I give out a small humorless laugh and say, "You know what? Forget it." He looks up and asks, "Forget what?" I pause before saying, "I don't think I'm gonna hang round anymore."

"Eh?" Darren says.

"I'm in the way here and Mum isn't happy with me so. I'm gonna see if there's a flight home to Dublin tonight."

"Hate to say it, but, I think that's the best thing for you to do right now." Darren says. I stare at him in disbelief, shake my head, and go off to get my things.

**whaddya think?? =) R&R please! thanks!! oh! and sorry bout the long wait for the new chapter!**

**~Swirley**


	4. Chapter 4

I walked into the bar looking at my phone. I've had John Paul's contact pulled up for the last 4 minutes, walking, and just staring at it. Call me crazy, or wierd, but I just didn't know if I wanted to call him or not. After all that looking, I finally put the phone back in my pocket and just went to a table even though I wasn't in the mood for eating or drinking. Like always, whenever I'm just sitting down with no one to talk to, my thoughts start to go off to John Paul. He's just amazingly gorgeous and I think we've established that, but I just don't see why one human could hold so much beauty inside and outside. I've tried to look for someone else to take his place, but niether and girl nor a boy could ever replace him. I say boy because...well, I'd never mention this to anyone, but I actually kind of fooled around with this one guy named Jake. Not much younger than me, 'bout 18 or so. Atleast that's what he told me. Jake was beautiful and charming, but he had black hair and green eyes, with a dark even tan; I'm more into blonde, blue-eyed, pale men. I liked to kiss Jake too, and do many more things with him yet I just couldn't really get into it. Taylor was a disaster. She kissed all wrong, her hands were too dainty, her hair was too long for my taste, and her lips tasted way too much of grape lip gloss she was wearing, so of course I broke up with her about 6 months later.

"Hey, if you're not ordering something, then get the hell out of here." I hear one of the waiters call.

"Sorry!" I apologize and get up to walk out the front doors. I get out just in time to see Darren and Newt talking and I overhear Darren say, "It's none of your business."

"What isn't?" I wonder out loud. He turns his head around to look at me and snaps, "What did I just say to him? Take that as your answer." I hold my hands up in the 'I surrender' gesture and tell him to calm down.

"Look, all I really want to see if you could bring me to Mum now." Darren shifts uncomfortably before mumbling and agreement. When we walked to the house it was a little awkward because no one really said anything, and if someone did it'd be more like 'So...weather's nice.' which just made it even more awkward. Finally we arive at The Dog and run up the stairs untill we reached the hallway into our house. Darren quickly went infront of me and opened the door wide enough for his head to pop in before he opened the door all the way. Jeez, Hollyoaks has gotten stranger and stranger over the last year.

"Mum," I say when I enter the room, "I'm sorry. I should have come back to see you sooner."  
"Oh, it's okay love. You're here now." Mom repies.

"I've really let you down...You and Steph. She's gone through all kinds and I'm-" I was cut short when Mom gave a little frantic look at Newt in the corner who was just looking at some game. I stopped when I understood to just not say anything.

"I can tell things are a bit different around here," I change the subject, "crowded I guess. So, I'm just gonna go back." This made Mom freeze for a second.

"Go back where?" she asks.

"To Dublin," I say like it's obvious. "I'll call in and see Steph and then I'm gonna go." Mom takes a breath like she's going to say something, but Darren interupts saying, "You can't see Steph yet." I just about had it with Darren. I slowly turn my head to him and snap, "What is it with you and not letting me talk to my family?" he looks at me, but Mom cuts him off and covers by saying, "What he means is...you can't go and see Steph just yet, you've only got here to see me." This softens me up a little and I tell her gently, "Okay, but I'm not going to stay for because there's no room and I don't want to be in the way."  
"Craig," she exclaims, "you're not going anywhere! I need to spend some time with you. You're my son and I've missed you."

"Well if he wants to go then he can-" Darren starts.

"He's not going anywhere." Mom says confidently. "He's staying alright?" Darren looked at her with disbelief before Mom said to me, "Now come here," and then she gave me a big hug. I smiled and relaxed in her grip and muttered in her ear, "I was beginning too feel a bit of a stranger." She chuckled softly and pulled back rubbing my shoulder and sighed, "Hey, this place has seemed empty with out you. Nothing could make up for that." and then looked over at Newt. That made me feel, for the first time, welcomed back in Hollyoaks.

"I just hope that you two well get along soon," she said. Uh, that ain't going to happend.

"I'm going to go use the bathroom, be right back." I told her. I walked away, suddenly feeling the welcomedness disappear. The air's still tight when I'm in there. No one really seems relaxed or actually happy. I thought about that for a while before just dismissing it and saying to myself that I was just being paranoid.

**I know, I know. Short and stupid. :P**

** ~Swirley**


	5. Chapter 5

I walk out of the convenience store holding onto my newspaper and coffee beans. I look up past all the colorful flowers and see John Paul talking to someone, didn't really notice who it was. I thought about going over to say 'hi' or something, but got all shy and almost imiedietly stepped backwards to hide behind the roses and all. He was just looking so beautiful today, with his green shirt, grey sweatshirt, and dark denim jeans on and I felt so powerless. When he followed the girl inside the other store I quickly left making sure he couldn't see me. I know, I know. I seem all cowardly, but he is the love of my life, and for maybe the first or second time in my life, I was shy. I went back to my place to drop my stuff off.

"Hello?" I called into my home. "Anyone here?" No answer. I sigh, save's me from another awkard and uncomfortable conversation between me and everyone. I flop onto our couch and think about just staying inside for the rest of the day, but then wrinkle my nose and think that if I do that, I'd sort of become a loner, and I really don't want to become a loner so I get back up and walkd out the door. For the first time in about a year, I don't think about John Paul. Not even once. All I really think about is what time I should be getting back to Dublin and all. Then just my luck, I catch sight of a beautiful DJ standing and staring at his phone. Yay, I'm not the only one who does that. I stay there for about a moment or so before plucking up the courage to go up to my one and only John Paul. Before I can say anything, John Paul looks up at me from his phone and asks in an ugh-don't-want-to-talk-to-you-right-now tone, "You still here?"

"What does it look like," I say a with a little of the certain tone in my voice. Didn't want to make him think that I was extreemly extatic to be close to him and talking, which I was.

"Thought you'd be long gone," John Paul says and flilps his phone shut, putting it into his pocket.

"Yeah well, just didn't want to leave it like this." 'It' meaning our relationship. He's quiet for a second and I ask gently, "Do you want to get a drink?"

"No I can't. I"ve got to go see Kieron." he replies quickly. All of a sudden I felt a very strong hatred towards this 'KIeron' guy and forgot to cover it up when I said fiercly, "Ten minutes. You can spare me that." his eyes widen for a second before he agrees, "Ten minutes." I nod and just stand there looking like an idiot. John Paul holds an arm out and says, "Well?" I snap back into reality and walk to get us a table outside of The Dog. Once we're seated and have our two beers,, John Paul looks at his wrist watch and says, "Okay...your ten minutes start....now." Oh that little joker.

"What's going on with you and Kieron?" I blurt out by accident.

"Er..okay. Not something I thought you wanted to talk about, but everything's great. We're both very happy together, well I guess I should say 'were' instead of 'we are'." John Paul finishes quietly.

"I'm sorry," I tell him. He looks up at me confused and with his eyebrows furrowed, "What are you sorry about?"

"It's my fault you two split up."

"No, it really wasn't. I don't know what made you think that, but it's not your fault." he chuckles slightly which gets me a little aggrivated.

"If you two were so happy together, then why did you split up the moment I got here?"

"Just a misunderstanding." he mumbles.

"He's jealous," I say. It just all makes sense. Kieron's face when he saw me and John Paul hugging. How all of a sudden I don't see him much anymore. So it wasn't just me thinking there might be something going on between me and John Paul! My heart starts to beat just a little faster now.

"Well I see your ego hasn't gotten any smaller," John paul tells me. "Craig can you blame him? After everything he's heard?"

"So you're agreeing with me that he's jealous?" I wonder.

"Yes! For God's sake Craig, I was in freakin' love with you! In love!" John Paul exclaims and that sentance kind of reasured me that he really was in love with me like he said.

"Of course he would be jealous to see me hugging you, or hanging out with you all of a sudden." he continues, "He is- was- my fiance. Jesus Craig." John Paul finishes looking solemn. The outburst had first made me a little happy, then all of a sudden I just couldn't stand seeing the man I love having a long face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-" I begin.

"Craig look, I don't want anymore apologies from you. I just want to talk. That's all." he says looking me directly in the eyes causing me to swallow hard.

"Well," I say hoarsly, "what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, how about....that person you said you were seeing. You know my relationship status, so I might as well know yours." Now this was something that I really didn't want to talk about, but whatever John Paul wants, John Paul gets. I take a deep breath, "Well, I did see a someone, some guy from my trinity," John Paul flinched and imiedietly took a sip of his beer. Ha, how do you like them apples?

"Oh," John Paul says weakly. "I thought...I thought you said that- that I was the only guy you liked." he mummbles quietly looking down at his beer, and my heart literally felt like it was going to pop out of my cheast it was beating so hard. _He's jealous, _a voice kept saying to me, _he's jealous._

"Well, you were, but things change. You said so yourself." John Paul nodded, "Yeah...I guess I did." he was silent before he looks back up and asks with a strained smile on his face, "So what about you and this boy, what happened?"

"Oh, well, I guess we just lost interest in each other, we started to not see each other that much, and then we just finally decided that we weren't really ever together anymore so we just broke up."

"Anything else?" he wonders. I decide weather or not to tell him about Taylor, I don't want to hurt him anymore, but he had asked hadn't he? I take another deep breath, "I went for it all again, you know, I met a girl we went through the motions for six months, I-I didn't feel much, but..." I trailed off.

"Did it get any easier?" John Paul asks looking at at the table.

"No," I say simply. I'm quiet for a moment before continuing, "At times I'd think of reasons not to go to bed with her, and I mean kissing her was just-" John Paul had finally had enough by the looks of it, and cut me off right there, "Craig, don't have to go into that much detail." I guess I'd gotten carried away, didn't mean too. Oh well. I continue after a another quiet moment, "I just couldn't stand it, So that's why I had to tell her," John Pauls eyes widened, "You told her you were gay?" I look at him for a long time, and I don't know why, but I say quietly, "I told her I still loved someone from back home."

**oohh...Craig's causing some drama! lol. Okay so I know I changed a bunch of things around in the end. Like of course there was no one name Jake in Hollyoaks, except for the yummy Jake Hendricks! lol. but I wanted to just make John Paul jealous :) R&R!**

**loves ya!**

** ~Swirley**


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"We could have been happy," I tell John Paul after about a minute or so of him just staring at me with his eyes widened and silent. Apparently, my little silence-breaker, had cause him to snap out of it seeing as he snapped at me, "You blew it!" I look at him funny and say with disbelief, "You know _you_ were the one who walked away from me. I was willing to give it a go."

"You couldn't even kiss me, alright? You were terrified that someone would see." John Paul told me. My breathing became a little heavier and my voice cracked, "You didn't even give me a chance!" I yell. I stop and remeber where we were, looking around to make sure I hadn't caused a huge scene, and fortunatly, no one seemed to notice. I calm myself down before continuing, "But I'm glad you didn't," I pause wondering if I should go on, because if I do then my heart would be an open target.

"Everything is much clearer now away from here." I finish.

"It's a shame it's too late now isn't it." John Paul says with hurt in his voice. I look up into his electrifying blue eyes and I don't think when I softly say, "No...it isn't." John Paul freezes and looks like wheels are turning in his head he's thinking so hard and I get a little hope.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm with Kieron!" John Paul exclaims and get's up leaving me, shattering that little piece of hope, and stabbing me in the heart. It's been about 3 days and he's already managed to break my heart 4 times. That's a record right there. I want to cry. I really do, but for some odd reason, I can't bring myself to. I just watch the only _man_ I've ever loved walk away hastily. _Follow him._ a voice in my head says.

_No! He needs his space. _another voice disagrees, _Let him cool down and then calmly go over and talk about...sports._

_Sports? _voice number one talks back, _yeah...that's an icebreaker. No Craig, listen to me. Go follow him._

_No! Listen to me! _voice number two calls.

_Craig if you listen to me, and follow him, you might have sex with him._ Now that just about had my sprinting towards John Paul's house. Once I got there, I bend over and start breathing heavily, wiping some beads of sweat from my forehead, when I get back to Dublin, I'm going to really need to work out more. I pull myself together and knock onto the McQueen's door. I wait a couple of seconds before John Paul finally comes to answer. When he sees me he sighs, and says, "Don't take 'no' for an answer do you?" he hadn't slamed the door in my face, so that's a good sign I guess. Then I really looked at him. He was so beautiful and just amazing that I reallly couldn't take it anymore.

"Not anymore, not from you." Then I launch myself at him just to feel his lips against mine.

"Woah!" He exclaims, and before my mouth can touch his full soft lips, he pushed me away, and tells me, "I'm going to go see Kieron." Ugh, I really wish he would just stop thinking about him.

"Well, he can wait." I tell him and launch myself only to be pushed away again by strong hands.

"Craig! Get out, I mean it!" John Paul yells at me.

"No, no, no, no." I say stubbornly and shut the door looking back at John Paul who actually seemed a little scared. "I'm not going anywhere. I've spent an entire year of my life, wondering what it could have been like." I don't know what made me do this, but all of a sudden stuff was pooring out that was a little embaressing, but I just couldn't help it. So I start confessing, "I go to clubs, wondering if _you_ would like there music. I sit in cafe's wondering what _you_ would want to order, and if my house mates would do your head in." I stop talking and see that I had been walking self consiously and that now I was about inches away from John Paul.

"How can I run away from you when you're in hear?" I ask pointing at my head like a mad man, "Hm? Tell me that." I say. John Paul is silent for a moment and I take that second to launch myself again and he's taken by suprise that he's not able to push me away. Once my mouth covered his, I almost melted. I'd forgoten how good he tasted. He kissed me back for about five seconds, until he realized what he was doing and pushed me away. I didn't try to hide the hurt on my face.

"I'm going to ask you one last time, and I need to know the truth. Do you wish you'd come with me?" I ask John Paul quietly, and all he does is look at me with eyes shining and threatening to overflow with tears and the answers, "No." he shakes his head. I stare at him almost about to cry, but he continues, "I mean, what difference does it make?"

"Just swear," I say fiercly and grab John Paul by the back of the neck and pull him closer so that now we were about an inch aart from each other, "that you don't want me, and I'll walk out of hear, and you'll never see me again." There were so many emotions playing in my head: love, passion, lust, hurt, confusion, and anxiety. On John Paul's there was confussion with something that I couldn't tell. I dreaded his answer, but then John Paul grabed my face and closed the distance between us and kissed me with so much passion I thought my knees were going to give out. John Paul's tounge skimmed my bottom lip begging for access to my mouth which I happily granted. Our tounges battled for leadership, and as always I won. John Paul pushed me up onto his door tore his mouth away from mine, causing me to groan a little, but which quickly turned into a moan when his mouth sucked on the side of my neck and one hand was under my shirt while the other was in my hair. John Paul slipped a leg in between my legs and I suddenly felt something hard against my thigh and was estatic to know that I could still make him feel this way. Growing tired of my neck, John Paul pulled my shirt up and started to rain kisses down my cheast causing me to involentarily shiver, but in a good way. _Wait a minute, _I think, _I'm the leader in the make-out sessions!_ and so I take John Paul by the shoulders and turn him around so that now he's against the was and whisper in his ear, "I'm in control when we makeout. You can be in control when we are in bed." and the gently tug on his ear with my teeth causing John Paul to whimper a litte bit. I gently take John Paul's head and place my mouth against his relishing the tast of him. I start to feel him at my belt tugging me towards the stairs where we both started to stumble and almost fall, but then make it towards his room and fall on the bed, me ontop. John Paul chuckles a little bit and takes me by the shoulders and flips us over.

"Thought you said I was in control when we're in bed." he then he takes my shirt off and and takes his own off. Dear God. I'm almost forgot how beautiful he was. His cheast was smooth and rock solid. Next he went for my pants and...well let's just say, my boxers didn't stay on for long after that...

* * *

After about what had felt like hours or days, we just held each other and his fingers twirled in my hair. I sigh and am about to go in for a sweet kiss, when John Paul's phone rings bringing me back to reality. It's probably Kieron calling so he could work something out or whatever. Sure enough, when John Paul flips open his phone he freezes.

"Is it Kieron?" I ask him. Scared of what he was going to say.

"Yeah," he replies in a whisper.

"Poor sap," I say out loud, but more to myself. He looks at his phone and then back to me, "I really have to go and see him." I sigh, "So you're doing the run off." This must have been what John Paul felt like whenever I left him for Sarah. Sure doesn't feel good. He chuckles a little, "You're in my house,"

"You know what I mean," I tell him. John Paul looks at me like I've lost my mind, rubs my arm, and says, "Don't be daft. It's you, it's always been you." the reasurence helped a lot.

"I just feel like I've recked his life enough." He continues, "There's one thing that I'm not going to do, I'm not going to lie to anyone anymore." he gets up and put's his clothes back on, while I just smile at him and think of how lucky I am to have a guy like John Paul.

**yay! 3 chapters for about the long time I haven't written anything. Writer's block sucks sooo much. :(**

**byes!**

** ~Swirley**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, so this may be a little rough because the McDean story line i was watching on youtube got removed or something so i had to watch another one which is kind of different than the one i used first. Still I hope this is good.**

Once I left the house I couldn't resist but do a little dance. I mean come on, John Paul, the love of my life, has just slept with me and went off to break the engagment off with Kieron. Who wouldn't be happy from that? I decide to go off and buy some wine to celebrate with Steph. Jeez, I don't think I've seen her since I've been back! I pick up my phone and call Mom.

"Hey Mum," I say when she picks up, "I'm just going to pick up a bottle of wine them I'm gonna go in on Steph."

"Okay, have fun love." she says.

"M'kay, love you." I finish and snap the phone shut. Of course I buy an expensive brand because this is a very special occasion - I mean wouldn't reuniting with your love be special? - and then head off to her house. I'm still doing my litte jig and people are just staring at me. I laugh at them, they just don't know how good you can feel when you're flying high. I walk into the apartment building, run the up the steps, skipping every other one, and knock on her door. Once she opens it I exclaim with a big smile, "Suprise!" like a dork and show off the wine. We hug and I give her a peck on the cheek.

"Think it's about time that you and I caught up don't you think?" I ask her walking in. I look back at her and see her face is long and the sorrow in her eyes. She shuts the door slowly and sighs a little. Slowly the smile retreats from my face and I ask hesitantly, "What? What's up?"

"Hav-Have you spoken to John Paul?" she wonders.

"No. Why is he alright?" I ask worridly. If anything's happened to him when I was gone I swear-

"He's fine, but.." she trails off a little, "but Kieron's not." I just stare at her with confusion written all over my face.

"Well," she continues, "Kieron...police say that...that Kieron had...killed him-himself." she finished and her face looked strained, as if it was hard to get out. I freeze up. What was I supposed to do? I guess I could've cried, but I didn't know him that well.

"Craig?" Steph call after a few moments of silence.

"When was he found?" I wonder, dreading for the answer. "When did it happen?"

"I don't know, and hour or so before when he had a phone call from John Paul." Steph answered shaking her head. I got up and paced whispering to myself, "Was it before or after?"

"What?" Whoops. Should have said that in my head. I turn and face her, "John Paul, had left me, to go to tell Kieron that it was over and that we had gotten back together." Steph hesitated before asking, "Are you?"

"Yes," I say softly with so much joy in my voice, but apparently she wasn't sharing that happy moment, for she frowned and looked down at her shoes.

"It doesn't make sense though," I say looking over Kieron's death, "I mean, there wasn't enough time. He must of done it before John Paul could tell him." I finish a little relieved that his death may not be my fault.

"But he knew you were back," Steph told me taking away my relief.

"Yeah," I sigh sitting back down. I run my fingers through my hair, "I think he was jealous or something...but this?" I ask myself with disbelief. I just can't believe that someone could envy John Paul and my relationship so much.

"You weren't to know that-" she began.

"I should have come back ages ago." I cut her off, "Day after day in Dublin I'd want too...but he ran out on me. How could I?" I ask on the verge of tears. I start to pour my heart out, letting all the pain seap into my voice so she could atleast get a taste of what I'd felt over the past year. I continued, "So I went traveling, but I was only running away from John Paul as well." I walk up to the counter, lean on it, and then realize, "I'm going to lose him all over again."

"You can't say that," Steph said shaking her head. I had a sudden impulse to go comfort him and hold him.

"I've got to go see him," I tell her. I start towards to the door before she stops me, "No!"

"No, I do Steph. I need to talk to him, I need to be with him, I-I know how upset he must be." I finish a little desperatly. She shakes her head and replies softly, "Not now. John Paul's with his family. You've waited months to see him, you can wait till tomorrow." I stare at her with anguish in my eyes and at that moment, I literally wanted to scream and fight, or crumple up and cry. Just pathetic.

The next morning when the clock read 10:00, I sprinted to the McQueen's house and knocked on the door. I needed to see how John Paul was doing, I was desperate. I swear, you'd think I was in a desert and have no water. Finally the door opened to reveal...Mercedes. Ugh.

"What are you doing here?" she snaps. Okay, someone didn't have their peppy juice this morning.

"Um, is John Paul in?" I ask her in a kind, gentle voice. She scoffs, "You're not very good at picking the right time are you?" I scratch my eyebrow, "Look, I know it's early but..." I trail off a little.

"What's he doing here?" Myra asks from behind Mercedes. Oh great...just what I needed. I open my mouth to answer, but then just leave it hanging when I catch sight of John Paul. He looked like a sad puppy. His usually neat blonde hair, sat on his head like a dirty mop, his usually blue eyes looked clouded over and his skin wasn't glowing like usual. It actually broke my heart to see him in this state. Instead of answering Myra's question, I look at John Paul and say with understading in my voice, "Look, I heard about what happened I'm-"

"You shouldn't even be here," I hear Mercedes tell me. I ignore her and ask John Paul, "Well if there's anything I could do..." I trail off again.

"Come on," Mercedes tells Myra, "Lets get that tea now." and they both walk away with Myra still looking at me with disguist in her eyes.

"Last night," I start, steping in once Myra and Mercedes leave, "did you tell him?" I dread for the answer, but soon am filled with relief when he shakes his head. I don't know what I would do if this was all my fault.

"So, it's not because of us-" John Paul cuts me off and says strained like it was hard to get out, "Craig, please. I really can't talk now," I don't think he know exactly what he's doing to me when he's in this condition. He may be heartbroken, but seeing him like this makes me feel like someone's stabbed my heart a million times, then ripped it out of my cheast, and it's not a lovely feeling to be having at the moment.

"Wha-" I begin but then stop when I look in the kitchen to see Myra and Mercedes staring at me. I don't think this is a very good place for me to be talking about _us_ so I tell him, "Why don't we just go outside and just..." Just what? Talking wouldn't be enough for me. Kissing him, well that'd be good for me, but I don't know about him.

"I'll call you," He tells me after a moment. This to me feels like a rejection. I don't think that he meant for it to be like that, but it just felt like one. I sort of nod and walk out the door. I thought he wanted to be together. I thought he wanted this...wanted _us._ "I'll call you,"? That's all? No, "Just a moment and I'll be with you," or "Meet me at The Dog," I may be a little selfish, but I've been going on for a year with no real _love._ He atleast had someone to love, he was engaged for Pete's sake! I for one didn't even have a realtionship for more than half a year. My life is just one big wheel of drama, and it all started when he met stupid Spike...

_"So," I start when Sarah, who was hanging on my arm, Hannah, and I walk out of The Dog, "you going to the loft?"_

_"We should wait for him!" Hannah exclaims. Jeesh, she really needs to get over John Paul. I just want to take her by the shoulders, shake her, and shout, "John Paul's gay! He won't be running back to you!" but that would just be plain old rude wouldn't it?_

_"He's fine," Sarah tells her, "plus he's probably gone already." Me and her both know that he's probably not. That's he's probably with that guy he met. What was his name again? Sky? No...Spike I think. Stupid name._

_"You know what?" Hannah says, breaking me out of my train of though, "I'm tired why don't you guys go ahead." You're not tired, I think, you're just waiting for John Paul._

_"Besides, I've got my head in a-" Hannah breaks off looking in a direction that me and Sarah both look at to find her staring at John Paul and Sky - no Spike - in a tight embrace practicly sucking each other's faces off. She quickly turns around, her blonde hair swinging, and runs back into The Dog. I feel Sarah's hand slip off my arm, but I don't follow. I'm transfixed on both of the men with something bubbling in my stomach. Disgust? No, I don't feel disgusted towards it...Suprised maybe? Couldn't be, I knew he was out here somewhere with him. I try to indentify the feeling when suddenly my brain goes into haywire and I start to imagine that..._I'm_ the one kissing him. That _I'm_ the one stoking that gorgeous, flawless, pale skin of his. Oh dear God. I'm jealous._

"Watch where you're going!" I hear a voice snapping me out of my memory.

"Sorry," I mummble to the women passing by. I keep on walking to who know's where when I spot a blonde man sitting by himself on a diserted bench. John Paul. First thing I think is: Liar, he said he would call. Then: He looks better. Because he did. Instead of his hair being all over the place it was neetly brushed, his skin was again glowing, but his eyes still looked clouded over. I slowly make my way over there and tell him softly, "I know you're hurting...I want to try to help."

"I don't want to be with you anymore." He tells me not meeting my eyes. Well that just about tore up and stomped on what was left of my heart.

"Please," I beg him and put all of my misery in my voice. I will not loose him again.

"How can I?" he asks with equal amount of misery, "Kieron took his own life because of you and me." he said the last part like he was ashamed. Now if my heart was whole again, you could say "bye-bye heart!"

"No," I try again, and sit next to him putting my arm around him. He pulls away a little and all of my hurt is shown in my face.

"It's not our fault," I continue trying to reason with him, "You never told him" John Paul starts breathing heavily like he's going to throw up or something and looks at me.

"It is my fault, and I'm going to feel like like this forever."

"I'll wait as long as it takes," I tell him. John Paul get's up from the bench at says something that could have just about killed me, "It's over Craig,"

"No!" was my instant reply.

"It has to be."

"No it can't be!" I tell him with a little bit of anger in my voice. Niall and Steph come up - funny, didn't even notice them - and John Paul runs to Niall and Steph tries to hold me back from running to John Paul.

"Come on, Craig." Steph calmly tell me, "It's too much for him." Niall and John Paul start to walk away and I hear Niall say, "Let's go get some coffee eh?"

"What am I going to do Niall?" John Paul asks with tears in his eyes. I watch them walk away, close to tears myself, and lean into Steph to try and just cry myself out.

**Huh, huh, huh? You liiikee? Well if you do then you know the drill! Read, Reply, Subscribe, and Enjoy! =D**

** ~Swirley**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yes, I did skip ahead a coulpe of episodes to get to this point. But it didn't have any McDean moments so I skipped :) Enjoy!**

Four days. That's how long I haven't spoken, nor seen John Paul. Do you know how bad the hurts? I don't think I could go on for another day without seeing those beautfiul eyes, or that nice long, lean body. I get up from my couch for which I've been sitting on for hours and take a walk outside. I don't know where, but I just walk. I see happy couples, laughing, enjoying each other's company. God, sometimes I just think that the world is out to get me or something. I keep walking past them all and almost decide to turn around and go home since I didn't think I could take all of this lovey-dovey stuff, but stop when I see him. My John Paul. And man, oh man, does he look sexy. He was wearing a black tuxedo that fit him perfectly, I'd forgotten that it was Carmal's wedding today, and to make it better, he held a bear bottle in one of his hands. I actually moaned at the sight of him. I walk up to the deck he was standing on and look up at him to say, "Anymore beers to spare?" He looks down at me and smiles faintly which I take as a good sign.

"Craig," he sighs, with his smile still intact. I think it should be illegal to feel the way I just did when he said my name.

"Come one up, there's plenty of beers here." he motions to the ice box next to him. I chuckle and head on up the steps just as he's going down and we decide to just sit down in the middle of the stairs. He sits down next to me, and it's a little tight so both of our bodies are pushed side-to-side and I can feel the heat coming from him. He's sighs sadly, and says softly, "Today was Kieron's funeral,"

"Yeah," I whisper, "I'm sorry mate." We're both a little quiet, but I still can't think straight because when you're sitting shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh, next to the man you love, well it can be a little distracting.

"You know," John Paul breaks the silence, "When...when we split up, I didn't think I could ever fall in love again." But you did, I think, you did and left me heart broken.

"I don't think I wanted to fall in love again," he continues, "it was too painful." I look at him and see that his eyes had clouded over again so I reach out and rub his shoulders, when really I wanted to kiss him.

"When you heading back to Dublin?" he asks suddenly. I sigh taking my hand off of him, "A couple of days."

"Let's go for a drink tomorrow." he says to me. I smile faintly and look at him and say happily, "Yeah," I look at him again and see he looks a little confused, "I'll call you," I tell him and get up, losing his heat against me causing me to literally flinch. Man...my life sucks.

**Short. Stupid. Silly. Triple S. :P Reply! (Almost to the sunset ending! *EEEP!!!*)**


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up the next morning and, call me desperate, pick up my phone and text John Paul saying, "Don't forget that goodnight drink. Craig x" Okay maybe I shouldn't have put an x there, but what can I do? I'm in love. I head off to The Dog at about twelve in the afternoon and get a table with a drink. My hands are itching in my pockets with the extra ticket wondering what he may say. He might tell me to get lost, or he may kiss me and say yes to coming with me to Dublin. I for one am going for the second option, but I won't know until he get's here which should be right about....now. Okay, now? No....now. Now. Noooooowww. How...about....now! NOW! Okay calm down Craig, he'll get here when he get's here. I sip my drink and sit back to wait for John Paul.

Half an hour late. He's half an hour late. Oh crap. I've just been stood up by him. I check my watch to make sure I read it right, and sure enough I did. John Paul was the one who invited me, so he should be here. He should be sitting right across from me and talking to me or having a drink, but he's not. He's off God know's where doing God know's what. I gulp down the rest of my drink, get up and head off towards his house. Pathetic? Yes it is. I jog over - funny how whenever I want to go to his house I'm always running of some sort - and knock on his door relieved to see have _him_ answer the door instead of any of his sisters.

"Hey," I say softly. He smiles and yells into his house, "Mum! Going out!" and walks out with me.

"Hope you don't mind me turning up like this," I tell him when we're out side all the way.

"No, it's fine." He says. I smile faintly, but then it disappears when I reply to him like a hurt teenager, "I was waiting for you at the bar," he stops and turns to me, "I went to Kieron's grave," he says softly.

"Can't have been easy," I say.

"I had to go, to...to prove to myself that he wasn't dead," he says quietly, "that he's not coming back." I suddenly feel so much saddness from him and put my hand on his shoulder, "Mate...I-"

"Is it my fault? Am I responsible?" he asks cutting me off. I look at him with disbelief and say like it's completely obvious, "No! Not at all. Whatever you did, or whatever you said...ultimatly, it was Kieron's decision." I say rubbing his shoulder and pulling him closer so that I'm now hugging him with my arm.

"I can live with the guilt," he sniffs.

"Then don't," I'm about to say more or kiss him on the cheek when I get the feeling that someone's watching us and look at the McQueen's house to see Myra peeking through the curtain. I pull back a little from John Paul and say, "Why don't we get out of here." he looks up at me confused.

"Alright?" I ask quietly. He nods slightly and leans into my one arm while I lead the way to the bar. When we get there we get a table and two drinks. We sit down across from each other and I feel John Paul's leg up against mine, but he doesn't move it away. I smile a little smugly and shift around in my seat until im comfortable.

"Why the rush to get back to Dublin?" John Paul asks me once we were both settled.

"It's Mum and Darren. They just can't wait to get rid of me." I say a half-heartedly.

"Don't be soft(**A/N: think thats what he said...)**" John Paul says chuckling a little.

"Seriously," I tell him, "my mum's been all wierd, don't know if they've put her on tablets or something." I joke. I shruggs his shoulders and says quietly, "Well grief does strange things to some people."

"I didn't expect this," I tell him, "I thought she'd want me to be here, to help her out. Jake's gone, Steph's busy doing her own stuff. It's like she only cares about Charlie and you now, which is fine." it's good that she finally cares for John Paul.

"Be sad to see you go," John Paul says quietly. I feel my heart do flip flops before replying, "It'll be sad to leave....leave you anyways." I can't believe I'm leaving a wide open spot for John Paul to crush my heart.

"You've coped without me for this long," he says. Not a shoot down. That's a good step.

"Yeah, just." I say not meeting his eyes, "The more time past the more I realized I shouldn't of left without you." I finish looking into his eyes.

"But you did," John Paul says shrugging his shoulders, "and I cried, and I pined for you. Then I met Kieron," Oh here we go with Kieron again.

"And he was real proud of me you know?" He continues, "I mean the guy gave up his faith, his career for me. After you that felt pretty good." I wish I could do something to show John Paul that I'd give up everything for him too, but that's to late now. The best I got to tell him was, "I changed. I know what I want now."

"It's too late," he exclaims. "We've had our moments." I was starting to get a little angry.

"You were perpared to be with me before he died." He sighs, "It's all changed now though. I mean Kieron dying has made me think about everything, you know? You I am, how I treat people. I can't betray him by running back to you."

"I'm not asking you to do that." I may want you to do that, but I wouldn't dare say that out loud. John Paul sighs again, "I can't cope with this." and puts his head into his hands." Before he decides to run out on me I quickly say, "I know, I know. And I'm sorry, alright? And I didn't mean to put pressure on you. We're-we're mates," that took some effort to get out, "I'd rather have it that way than not see you at all." He smiles inwardly at what I'd said.

"I could probably get you a year in Trinity," I tell him.

"Pull a few strings?" he teases

"If I apply the entertainment office with enough ginnes **(A/N: huh??) **she'll sign anything." we both laugh.

"You're all heart you know that?" he jokes. It's quiet and there are so many things that I wanted to say to him at that moment, but I decide to keep it light and summed it down to, "I'll miss you." I rub the back of my neck and before I can stop it, the words come tumbeling out of my mouth, "I'll miss you every day. I'll wake up imagening what I could've been like." so much for "light".

"It was your call, Craig."

"It was you who walked away." I reply almost instantly.

"That's because I knew you weren't ready." he says softly.

"Now I am," I tell him and shrug. "Don't tell me it's too late."

"It's not." He says and my eyes widen, but he continues, "Look, do me a favor and go find your Kieron, and when you do hold onto him, because you're never going to find anyone else like him." What the hell? My Kieron? Hold onto him? That makes no sense. I stare at him one eyebrow raised, and he chuckles, "Am I boring you?"

"Just a bit." I chuckle. I look at the time and start to get up.

"You going?" he wonders.

"Yeah, I've gotta go pack my stuff."

"Oh," he says a little disapointed and gets up putting his jacket on just like I was doing, "Well don't leave it too long next time mate."

"I won't." I promise him. "If you want to come over to The Dog later on, I could stand you a pint." He think for a moment before answering, "I'll see." I smile a little, "Come here you idiot." he smiles to and then we're both hugging each other and I quickly slip the ticket into his pocket, to scared to comfront him my self about it. I sigh into his neck and nuzzle him a little before backing up and leaving.

"Stay in touch," I tell him.

"See you." he calls. I quickly leave so I don't have to stay and see his face at the ticket.

**OMG!! So close to the ending! YAYZ!**


	10. Chapter 10

The next day I pack my clothes for my long tip back. I really do hope that John Paul decides to come to Dublin with me. We would be so happy together, no one coming in between us or complicated love lives. Just him and me. Together forever. I hop up on the kitchen counter and start eating cereal out of the box and then look up to see Mom come in and take my clothes and starts to iron them.

"Seriously Mum, there's no need." I complain to her.

"Can't have you going and disgracing me in Dublin now can I?" She jokes and continues to iron. Darren walks in

"You off soon?" he asks hopefully.

"Why missing me already?" I say sarcasticly.

"Ah!" I hear Mom say and see that she's burned herself on the iron. I jump off and abandon my cereal to go help her.

"Mum, seriously, slow down." I say and look at her hand.

"It seems like you just can't wait to get rid of me." I tease, but when I look up and see her face, my heart drops. I go on, "I mean phone calls, text messages, letters begging me to come home." I walk over to a chair and shake my head.

"Anyway," Mom says changing the subject, "how about something nice to eat on the train. A sandwhich perhaps." Darren comes over, starts to fold my clothes and asks, "When's your flight?"

"Not for hours." I make a face at him.

"Why don't you go and see John Paul?" now it was her turn for me to make a face at.

"What?" I ask with disbelief.

"Yeah, why don't you?" Darren asks. I look back and forth between them. Mom was always disgraced about me and John Paul. Especially Darren. And now they _want_ me to go see him? What the hell?

"Wait a second, you're freaking me out now. You want me to go see John Paul?" I ask making sure I heard it right. She nods her head and smiles. That's it. I stomp out of the house and go for a walk again. I walk to the bar and decide to just wait for John Paul and try to figure stuff out. Those two were the most disguisted and revolted about me being with John Paul. They'd always wanted me to be with Sarah, but now they've all of a sudden changed there minds? No way. Something's got to be up, but before I could think of what may be up two pairs of hands covered my eyes and a badly disguied voice said, "You have three guesses."

"Hmm..deep voice, hairy palms, kind of smells like rotten fruit.." Steph playfully hits me and walks to sit at the chair infront of me.

"And that would be my big gorgeous sister." I say

"I did pretty good." I says triumphly.

"You got the look down, now you just need to work on the accent." I joke.

"Just wanted to come say goodbye." She says. I smile before leaning forwards and asking, "What's going on at the Pub?"

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"I thought the funny vibe was becasue I hadn't been home for a while, but Mum can't wait to get rid of me, Darren's gone a whole morning without mentioning Grahm Norrten, something's not right." Steph shrugs, "You'll be back in Dublin soon, miles away from this bonkers family."

"Don't lie," I say quietly, "we've never lied to each other."

"Somethings are best left in the dark." She tells me and rubs my knee.

"So somethings going on then?" I ask her.

"Look, about Jack's funeral-" she stops when a waitress cmoes by and cleans up the table.

"Steph I...I really miss him, you know I thought all of that was because I couldn't proberly grieve and that I wasn't at the funeral, but coming home and seeing you all, I feel like I'm getting my head around it all. Does that make anysense?" I ask her. She nods, "Yeah. Well, I've got to go, but I'll miss you so much." She tells me and get's up.

"I'll miss you too." I say looking at my drink.

"You waiting for someone?" she asks me.

"John Paul." I say simply.

"Oh. Okay well good luck with whatever's going on." she says and walks away. I look around, take out my phone, and stand up to walk in front of the bar. I dial John Paul's number getting his voicemail and say into my cell, "Look, I think there's been enough talking don't you think? The offer still stands if you want to give this a go. I'll be under the Jettie till three." I pause for a moment thinking if there's anything else to be said, but then hang up and wait. I walk in front of the place, but get bored and take a paper menu and fold it up into a paper boat. I go over to the lake near by to drop it in.

"How long do you think it'll go before it sinks?" I hear a female voice say.

"I dunno." another replies. I look over to my right to see Hannah....and Sarah. I chuckle a little and get up to say, "You know I was looking at this a before." I gesture to the wooden pole with Sarah and my initials carved into it.

"I was an idiot," I continued and looked at Sarah, "I did love you." I sigh.

"Did," she repeats. I look down and she goes on, "Craig you were my best friend, and I will always love you." I smile and hug both Hannah and Sarah.

"I may have blown things with John Paul, but atleast this trip wasn't a total waste you know?"

"And when I find the right guy, which I will, you'll be a great story to tell to my grand kids." Sarah jokes.

"Wow, thanks. The pride." I tease and thump my cheast over my heart.

"What about John Paul anyways?" Sarah asks curiously.

"You seen him?" I ask.

"You and John Paul are perfect for each other." Hannah tells me, "I think that if we were all a bit more honest fom the start we could've realized that."

"Thanks," I say softly to Hannah.

"No problem. Well we'll see you later. And good luck to." Hannah says before her and Sarah both leave. _You and John Paul are perfect for each other, _Hannah's words kept repeating through my head. _I think that if we were all a little bit more honest with each other we could have realized that._ Well that is one mistake that I'm never going to make as long as I live.

**Hehe. =D I'm going to be mean and not do the LAST chapter. HAHA! I shall make thee suffer! LOL! Don't worry, the LAST chapter will be up soon. No worries! Reply please!  
**

**~Swirley**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay so I was going to do this chapter tomorrow or the next day but i didn't want to be mean...plus i was scared the storyline i was using on youtube would get copyrighted. enjoy!**

All I can do is wait. For John Paul that is. I'm not a patient person all that much either so it's kind of hard to just stand on the pier near Jettie's at about 1:45pm waiting to hear from John Paul.I hope he says yes, because if he didn't...I don't think there'd be words to describe the way I would feel. Everyday I'd wake up in my bed searching for him beside me, but then remember that he wasn't there. Every minute I'd think about the way I felt when he said my name, and every second I'd remember the way his lips felt on mine, so soft, warm, and firm. I stand looking out into the water until I feel a presence behind me. I turn around hopeful, but soon realize it was Steph. I sigh and walk with her a little bit.

"Not a word from John Paul," I tell her quietly, "I guess that's my answer." She rubs my shoulder, "There's still time, don't worry." I shake my head, "I do feel guilty for staying away so long. I mean I know you all are coping with something, but back home I feel like you're all shutting me out."

"That's not true," she refuses.

"Okay it was a mess when I left back here," I admit, "Dubiln's great Steph, for once things are happening for me, but you are my family." we stop after a couple strides and lean up against a pole.

"We're not saying that we're not. It's nothing you've done." she teases and playfully shoves me.

"Then what?" I question. She's quiet for a second and before she can tell me that there's nothing wrong I cut her off saying, "I'm not stupid, Steph. I have a right to know." She's quiet for a moment just stares out into the water before replying, "Mum's just trying to protect you. She doesn't want to show you how upset you really are."

"I'm not a kid," I snap.

"I know you're not," she says softly, "but it's like you just said, you've got your own life now. And besides she just needs to know that you're happy. You're one of the few good things she's got left to hang on to." I roll my eyes and look away.

"You alright, Steph?" Mom comes out of no where and asks.

"Yes fine, Mum." she replies looking a little strained. Mom nods and then looks at me, "You should finish packing, love. Don't want to miss your train." I nod and walk off. I take my phone out of my pocket to see that John Paul _still_ hasn't messaged me and slowly begin to lose hope in that he would actually come with me. I mean who was I kidding? Why would John Paul come with me? After all the pain and suffer I'd caused him, why would John Paul want to throw away everything behind him from here and hop on a train to Dublin? Something wet began to drizzle down my face. Great. I'm crying. See what he does to me? See how he makes me feel? Why am I asking you all these questions anyways, it's not like you're actually going to answer me. I get home and see Mom, Darren, and Steph are already up in the house. Wow, that was fast.

"Everything alright, love?" Mom asks. I stare at her a little funny, she'd just seen me.

"Yeah," I tell her, "just up here to get my things." and then walk off to get my bag. When I walk back into the kitchen I see that Newt, a.k.a Emo kid, had come out too. Steph smiles and walks over, "I'll miss you," she hugs me and I whisper in her ear, "Hope you work things out with Niall." she steps back and smiles faintly.

"Are you sure you don't want us to come to the station with you?" Mom asks. Oh so now they want to be with me.

"No it's alright." Besides I don't want them to intrude on my moment with John Paul...if there'll be a moment anyways. I still have little hope.

"Heard anything from John Paul yet?" Darren wonders. I know that he was trying to be kind by asking, but when I realized that I hadn't heard from John Paul all day he just took my little hope and stuffed it in a box and locked that certain box up.

"No," I sighed.

"Don't know why you bothered." Mom says quietly, "he's only ever been interested in his number one - I'm just saying!" she changes the subject quickly when she see's me getting a little angrier. Darren cuts in and says, "Good luck with everything mate," and offers me his hand. I chuckle and take his hand, "Cheers mate. Look after my Mum won't you. And Steph."

"Yeah, like they'll listen to me." He jokes.

"Frankie," Emo says, "do you mind if I go to my room? I've got an essay in the morning."

"Oh, yeah. Just say goodbye first." Mom tells him. My eyes widen and I quickly say, "No, it's okay, really." Newt looks relieved and he says quietly, "See you." and starts to walk off before I call to him, "Hey, don't let any of my old teachers grind you down."

"I can look after myself thanks." he replies and leaves. Well that was rude.

"Wish Jack was here." I say softly. Mom sighs and walks up to give me a big hug.

"I love you, Craig." she tells me. She pulls away and I start to walk back towards the door.

"Well, don't miss me too much, and...be happy." I shrug and walk out the door down to wait in The Dog for John Paul. I look at my watch which read 2:30. I sigh. Now all I have to do is stay here for half an hour. This is going to be a long 30 minutes...

3:05. That's it. He's not coming. My cheast feels heavy and I try to hold back tears. What else was there to expect? I'd done all this hurtful things to him and I actually expected him to come to Dublin with me. What a pathetic, impossible, dumb dream for me to have. I wipe away the extra water in my eyes and start my way to the station. Again the world is just trying to kill me. Every where I look there's a happy couple. Either their kissing, laughing, or cuddeling. I hurry up and get myself to the station not wanting to look at them. Once I'm there I take my time to look in the giftshop at all the postcards and such, which all read the same things. "I Miss You!" or "Wish You Were Here!" I put them back and head up the stairs towards my train. I get up to the top level and waited for my train that went to Dublin which was the next one. I lean myself up against the brick wall with one leg propped up up against it and my arms crossed. I look up when I hear running footsteps and seriously think that the world is out to get me or something becasue here stands about a couple yards away from me is a young blonde, pale, blue eyed man who is absolutley gorgeous. The only thing that ruined this lovely image was that his face was screwed up in frustration as he threw his bags down. Poor sap, I think, must of missed his train. After a couple more seconds of staring at this wonderful man, reconization hit me and I gasped. John Paul was here. With luggage. He must of heard my intake of breath or something because he looked over at me and our eyes locked. He didn't smile, nor did he frown when he ran towareds me, bags in his hands. I'm smiling though. Probably like an idiot. I'm just about to hug him when he pushes me away and says, "Just wait."

"I waited for-" I began.

"Craig, just shut up and let me speak okay?" John Paul cuts me off. Ooh. He's taking control. Sexy.

"You can't just walk back in my life and hand me this," he continues holding up his ticket. Now if he just came here to tell me that he's coming...

"Okay, I was finally over you!" he exclaims, "And now you've ruined everything." Watery eyes again. God, what's with all this crying? I'm supposed to be tough. I suck it up and say, "I'm sorry."

"Now all I'm thinking is what if you hadn't walked into class that day." John Paul tells me, "Cause everything since then has been a disaster. I mean okay, I probably wouldn't still be with Hannah what with her being a girl and everything." he sighs and looks into my eyes before continuing, "Craig you have no idea how much you've hurt me. So I just wanted to say to you, before you walk out of my life forever," I'm taking that he's not coming with me, I think after he says that.

"Is that I wouldn't have missed it for the world." he finishes suprising me. I stare at him, "What?" He chuckles and looks down, "I don't know how we keep finding ourselves here, I really don't." I keep staring at him and suddenly I have a sudden urge to kiss him. Right here, right now.

"But the one thing I do know, the one thing I'm sure of...is that I love you." he finishes. Okay I'm going to kiss him."

"I mean I really, really love y-" I cut him off by grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him in and placing my mouth over his infront of everyone. Once I pull back from those five seconds of heaven, blood rushes to his cheeks and he says sheepishly, "Good. Glad we've got that settled." I smile, probably there's blood rushing to my cheeks as well, and reply, "Yeah," I thought for a moment before continuing, "You are coming with me to Dublin right?"

"Yes," he says confidently. I smile a real big smile that probably made me look like an idiot.

"Even if we do this, there's no garentee it's going to work," I warn him.

"I know," he tells me, "we could really mess it up."

"Yeah, screw it up." I say after him sort of dreamily. He smiles and I say as if it were the most natural thing in the world, "I love you John Paul McQueen." he blushes for a moment before replying, "Why wouldn't you?" I smile again and hold his hand while him and I both board the train and go to the back and stand up, him half way sitting. While we're off I look down at him and think about his reaction may be at my next words, "Oh, uh, by the way when we get to Dublin, if anyone asks, you're my cousin Steve. Everyone thinks I'm straight." his eyebrows furrow before he looks up at me with confusion and disbelief in his eyes, "What?!" I stare at him before cracking a smile, "I missed you," he smiles in relief and kisses my neck which leaves me waiting til we got home so we could do more than just a peck on the neck...

**Yay! Ending! Sunset ending to be exact! So tell what you thought of the story please. did i do gooood??? ahaha! don't forget to check my other stories out too please. remember, i love ya!**

**~Swirley**


	12. Future

**I just couldn't help but do a future chapter. but I swear this is the last chapter so enjoy  
and don't forget to reply!**

I'm brewing myself some tea when I hear the jingeling of keys at the front.

"Craig?" I hear John Paul's voice echoing off the walls. "You here?"

"In the kitchen!" I call back. I take the tea bag out of my mug and throw it away, blow on my drink to make it a little colder, take a sip, and lean back onto my counter.

"Hey," I hear. I look up to see John Paul standing in the door way, and I take in the natural beauty of him. Seeing him with his hair slightly dampened from a long hard day of work, a white loose shirt on, and dark denim jeans, took my breath away.

"Hey," I reply breathlessly He smiles and walks over to me and puts an arm around my shoulder, squeezing me gently.

"What is that? Tea?" he asks.

"Yeah, did you want some?" I offer.

"Is it fruit tea?" he asks wrinkling his nose which makes him cuter, if that's even possible. I laugh and question, "Why would it be fruit tea?"

"I dunno, with you being gay and all." John Paul teases nuzzeling my ear.

"I am not gay," I scoff jokingly.

"You kiss boys." he teases again.

"I kiss _a_ boy." I correct him. He takes the tea out of my hands and places his other hand around me so that he's infront of my, leaning his full wieght against my body, and has both his arms around my waist with mine around his neck.

"And it better stay like that for a long time." he tells me and then leans in to kiss me square on the lips which I think lead him to our room to have a little fun...

**Aww, almost exactly how Craig had imagined it! Did you realize that? And I no it's really short but I couldn't help, but do this. Well, I'm now totally done with this fanfic, but stay tuned becaues I might be doing more, maybe some with McDean, maybe another Piley. Or maybe even a Max and Tony one(don't know their couple name) well I really hope you liked this. stay in touch!**

**~Swirley**

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